I’ve lived abroad for 10 years with stints in Australia, Canada and New Zealand. We’ve lived a great life so far, with lots of exotic travel (47 countries in total!). We moved to Ireland last July, in this piece I’ll explain why it may have been our hardest move yet.
Things to Know Before Moving Home from Abroad
1. You will always wonder ‘what if’
If I stayed abroad would I have a better job/apartment/life? Would I be happier? These are the questions you will ask yourself for the rest of your life. Home is where the heart is, and your heart may continue to be in two places for the rest of your life.
The grass is always greener as the saying goes. The sacrifice for living abroad is that your heart will always belong to two places (your home & your adopted home abroad).
As Miriam Adeney says,
“You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.”
2. People will ask you why you left
In our case, moving home to Ireland in the middle of the COVID pandemic – from New Zealand (one of the ‘safest’ countries in the world) everyone though we were mad. In fact, delivery men, shopkeepers, and most strangers we met exclaimed to us “you’re off your feckin game”. For those not from Cork this means simply ‘you are crazy’.
When people react like this to you moving home from living abroad, you once again question your move – ‘are we mad for leaving?’.
3. You will feel different to your friends and family
Having experienced a different way of life to your friends and family you may feel that you don’t have as much in common now as you did before. You had this whole other life abroad – experiencing many different things to those they’ve experienced here at home.
You will, in time, fall back into a normal routine with them.
No longer is the excitement around the short visits home when you lived abroad. You will slowly move back into an everyday routine with your friends and family. It may be mundane to you in the beginning but it will soon become the norm, a comfort. After all, isn’t it those little mundane moments you missed the most when you were abroad?!
4. You won’t be the foreigner anymore
My accent now sounds the same as everyone else, once upon a time it was a novelty and nearly always evoked the reaction “ah I love your accent”. I worked in luxury hotels for years and I was the designated ‘complaint-handler’ because of my gorgeous Irish accent – nobody could get too mad at me. The American guests especially loved it and a conversation about how some far-away relation was Irish usually followed.
Alas, now I’m no longer the foreigner in the room.
5. You may not feel the urge to go exploring for a while
When we lived abroad we always made a point of exploring the city we lived in because it was new to us. Since moving home after living abroad I’m ashamed to say we haven’t really explored Ireland at all!
I think it’s different moving to your home country, because you think ‘ah I’ve been there before’ so you don’t bother with the day-trips to other towns/scenic places as much. This year that will certainly have to change!
Someone said to me before we moved home “you have to see it as a new adventure rather than just ‘a move home’ and that has really stuck with me.
6. The first few supermarket shopping trips will be a novelty
I remember for a good 10 years (that’s how long I was abroad), I craved things that are every day to you – Galaxy chocolate, McDonnell’s curry sauce, Tanora, and so many others. The cost of buying these ‘international food items’ as they’re labeled in supermarkets abroad is extortionate.
After a few months at home, my cupboards are filled with these cravings for fear I’ll run out.
7. You will eventually feel ‘at home’
You will eventually feel at home but still different. Your life abroad is an important part of you now; it’s become part of your personality. When you overhear people talking about Sydney/ Vancouver/ Whistler/ New Zealand (all places we’ve lived) you will want to jump in and proudly say ‘I lived there’. You will want to offer them insider tips on what to do and see there. But alas, most people won’t really be interested in your life abroad.
Telling strangers I just moved home from Queenstown typically evokes a positive but short reaction. An “ah, that’s a lovely place” type-of-thing. But, that’s about the extent of it.
But the truth is nobody is going to be that interested in talking about your life abroad!
How Do I Cope with Moving Back Home from Abroad?
Moving is always hard but this has been the hardest move we’ve ever taken. Having lived abroad you will see the negatives of being home that others may not see. And on that note, you will too see the positives they don’t see. Like how warm Irish people are, how much better a chipper is here, how nothing compares to a trip to Penney’s.
But some tips that helped us with our BIG move, were preparing for the move months in advance, penciling in time to catch up with friends (they will be busy with their lives at home so don’t be offended if they’re not keen to meet straight away) and being aware of the fact that things are different now at home than when you left!
Thanks for Reading!
So, here we are a couple of months into life in Ireland, and we’re finally feeling settled. It was, for us, the hardest country to set ourselves up in – my husband being a British citizen, found getting a PPS number, getting a bank account, and getting his tax set up a pain in the arse. More on the move to Ireland here!
Abroad you told stories of life in Ireland, now at home you will tell stories of your life abroad. You will always question your move, especially when the going gets tough. Of course, you’re delighted to be home among your friends and family. The ones you’ve spent so long away from. But there’s always the ‘what if’ hanging above your head. I’ve heard this tug-of-war will continue for the rest of your life.
So, yes moving home after living abroad may have been the hardest move yet for us, only because it feels the most final. The end of an era. We have two daughters now, so the carefree days of backpacking and moving country every few years are behind us.
Right now, we’re motoring through – we’re excited to travel Europe again when we can, we’re excited for our first Christmas at home in years and we’re excited for a relatively normal couple of years here at home in Ireland.
While you’re here – you may also enjoy reading my other Ireland blog posts, such as –
Best Free Things to do in Cork County
15 Best Free Things to do in Cork City
The best beaches you must visit in West Cork
Unique things to do in West Cork
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Last Updated on April 17, 2024 by snaphappytravel
12 thoughts on “What to know about moving home after living abroad”
Thankyou for replying to my comment. If you don’t mind me asking what jobs will you be doing while you live in Spain?
Europe would be an option for us one day maybe if we leave new zealand.
Hope that move goes well and yes I’ve heard about the cost of living in the UK and Ireland have gone up alot.
Hey Kelly, I will hope to do online work (freelance writing) and hoping to take that full-time when I can take advantage of the reasonable childcare costs in Spain.
Thankyou for replying to my comment. If you don’t mind me asking what jobs will you be doing while you live in Spain?
Europe would be an option for us one day maybe if we leave new zealand.
Hope that move goes well and yes I’ve heard about the cost of living in the UK and Ireland have gone up alot.
Thanks so much for this – your article pretty much sums up everything I’ve been feeling lately 😉 and honestly its refreshing to know that I’m not alone in my feelings and I take comfort in knowing (in a strange kind of way), that I will always have mixed feelings. And that’s OK. In fact, its NORMAL for someone whose lived abroad for so long.
My husband and I both from Ireland, have lived in Melbourne for the last 11 years. We’ve recently decided that the time has come to move back. Like you, we also have a little one now, he’s 19 months old and a fur baby (she’s 3 years old), so its no longer about just us too, but rather whats BEST for our family. We plan to move back to Cork early next year so in the process of planning the move now.
If you have any other advice/or just want to chat feel free to message me as it would be great to chat with someone thats just gone through it 😉
Hey Michelle, best of luck with the move – it’s a tough decision to make, and one we question every day but ultimately we know we made the right decision for us, for now. I will say that we are actually planning to move to Spain for a few years in mid-2023, we miss the sun 🙂 Plus the price of property (and the cost of living) has gone crazy in Ireland since we moved back. Also, childcare is extortionate so with two babies we would actually be out of pocket if I were to go back to work. Feel free to email me at [email protected] and I can answer more questions for you.
Thank-you for this, I also read one of your other posts and you literally wrote exactly I feel about living abroad and not having your life together. I’m in new Zealand now. 30 yrs old and with my partner of 10 years. We’ve lived away from the UK for just over 4 years now and we still go through the struggles of deciding should we or shouldn’t we go home. We haven’t got the career we want due to starting our travels when we were 25 , miss friends and family terribly but at the same time we cannot see ourselves living back there. No one tells you this is the hard part of travelling and living abroad lol x
Oh live away as long as you can I say, the weather in the UK/Ireland is hard to get used to, plus, it’s a lot more expensive to live here than I thought it would be. We’re actually planning to move to Spain for a few years next year!
Good on you for gaining the life experience as the world’s nomad in the first place. While you’ll always wonder ‘what if’, it’s so incredible you did it rather than regret for never taking that original leap!
I’ve toyed a lot with becoming an ex-pat so I really enjoyed reading your insight. It’s definitely something that isn’t talked about enough!
Love this insight! Moving back “home” after being brave and trying someplace new is definitely difficult! I felt lost when I did this – almost as if I didn’t belong in either place anymore. Glad to hear your perspective!
I have lived abroad on and off for the last 15 years including the last 10 in Canada, and I can definitely say it’s often odd going “home” back to the UK. I love it, but you’re definitely right about the “what ifs”. I don’t see myself returning to the UK but it will always be home, but it’s strange not feeling completely like you belong anywhere – in your home country or the one you live in people will always see you a little bit like the foreigner
I have lived overseas for 9 years. Last March, due to the world andemic, I got stuck at home with my family in Spain, away from my husband and dog for 8 months!! Being back in town made me feel exactly like you described above… I felt very lost, like a part of me was fading and another was scratching the surface… Sigh!